And now that I dated him for about 3 months or so.. I know that he isn’t actually a writer.  A wannabe journalist who is currently a shitty web editor for magazines that no one really even reads.  His field is dying, and he’s not even doing a good job in the transition from print to online.  But also, he knows this. This being a reason why he can’t “be the boyfriend I deserve”. Hmm. where have I heard this before?

Oh wait. Here.

I guess I’m confused. We meet, on a dating website. for DATING. (yes, no shame in how we met. whatevs). And then I’m reading too much into the relationship when I plan for things in the future. And I’m not talking future future. 2 months from now future.  I get when guys freak out when we start planning the wedding within the first few months of dating. But this.. is obscene.

And then guys wonder why we pop off at them for stupid shit like this.  However, I kept my cool.  Sure, I’m bummed. But unfortuntately (or fortunately?) this is not my first rodeo.  

We had already planned on running a 6 man relay team from Baton Rouge to NOLA (Rouge Orleans, ever heard of it? and yes, it was a beast.).. everyone had already trained for it, and if I backed out, someone would need to run my legs.  Dick move to back out for sure.  I’m an adult, and decided to continue on with it.

And actually, I did great.  It helped that my friends, who are cooler and funnier.. and better all around, than his shitty friends outnumbered them anyways.  2 of those friends also had met him many times and knew the story.. and weren’t impressed with him when I was dating him (he’s a weirdo.. which I liked.. but also, kinda cheesy.. which gets old).  

I did tell him that I wish I never met him (fact) and that he was a waste of my time (fact).. but that’s a terrible thing to hear from someone no matter who you are.  So, when we had a free moment alone (which he conveniently tried to make happen more than my friends would allow — thank you P), I finally apologized because I did at one point or another care for him.  He’s a nice guy, who I hope I never see again.

Our real final goodbye type moment of couple-y type shit was on my last leg of the race. He came up with a blanket because it was 30 degrees (and with the wind felt about 15).. and wrapped me in it. With him also in it.  I hadn’t slept in over 24 hours and had just run 18 miles.. cut me some slack.  Moment of weakness sure. We just stood there.. hugging, and trying to stay warm. and chatting. 

Then my friend ran up to tag me into my stretch of levee.. and that was it.  I can tell he cares for me.. but not the way I need him to. Or something. Whatever his problem is, I don’t have time for it.. and deserve better.

..and duh I cried. just a little. B/c I’m an emotional lady. You let it out.. then move on.

Next!

  1. pairandaspare posted this