Pair. and a Spare.

The basics, y’all.

So I’ve been at it on here for a while, and literally done a lot of different sites.  Each city is different, but the generalities are the same.

Met my first bf on craigslist (oh, I know.  shady shit. but it worked out.. but that was years ago..), and will never go back to that method.  I only recommend for browsing missed connections (for fun), and the classifieds.  Other than that. Pass.  Craigslist killa is real.

Then there’s the free sites.  Fine enough, and generally benign. However, there is no guarantee that these guys are employed.  Or have a home.  Less common in smaller cities.. but not unheard of.  There are also a lot of guys on here just trying to holler and late night fuck.  Which is fine.. if you’re into that. However, I’m too old for a fuck and run, and eventually want to settle down.  So a lot of these kids, are not even worth responding to.

Then there are the ones you put up cash for.  These guys are definitely looking for something more serious, and have a job (or something that allows them to spend random cash on dating sites.. either way).  Same things to look out for, but generally, it’s a better prognosis.  I’ve noticed, however, that eHarm in my city is a bunch of either really young (think 22 and under), really old (over 55), or those that are not appropriate visually to even be speaking to you in public. Or a combo.  A lot of them have entry-level jobs, which is fine for some, but not a college grad like my friends and I.  Get on my level, thanks.

Whatever avenue you choose, it’s important to look for the RED FLAGS.

1. Shorter guys tend to lie about their height.  Not a big deal for some, but for me, I’m 5’10.  And if you say you’re also 5’10.. then show up and it’s obvious that you are shorter than me.. keep walking.  And buy a measuring tape, homie.  I hate a liar.

2.   Look at the pictures verrryyy carefully.  9 time out of 10, they’re only as hot as their ugliest picture.  Rarely, do they ever show up and are hotter in person.  If it looks like they may have a lazy eye, or a dead tooth.. I hate to say it.. they usually do.  People join online dating sites for many reasons.  I find that girls (the ones I know.. so attractive ones) tend to join because they don’t have the time/energy to go out there and actually date.  Guys join either for the same reason.. mainly because they’re lazy or need to get out of their incestuous social circle.. or because they’re something wrong with them (visually, personally, or otherwise).  While we hope (and sometimes it goes really well!) that we don’t get the random freak.. it’s not always guaranteed.  Tread carefully.

3. If you give him your number (after usually about 3-4 good email/message exchanges.. and you can initiate it if you’re feeling up for it), and he waits more than 3 days to give you a call/text, he’s dead to you.  No one is that busy where they can’t shoot you a quick text saying hello and setting up a future date.  No one.  Barring some random ill-timed tragedy in his life that causes him to go MIA, never give him another chance.  There are mad guys out there that are more prompt and respect your time.  This is just a future indication of how he will act if y’all do eventually date.  Next.

4. Grammar is important.  People lie on their profile sometimes (personally I don’t, because what you see is what you get.. love it, or don’t fucking message me), boys generally to sound more appealing than their boring life (or girls to sound more “fun” and great wifey material — oh I LOVE sports... when in real life, you have no clue how one gets to a touchdown.  3 downs? 4? Ok girl).  Their use of grammar is a perfect indication of their intelligence level.  Some may say they’re “on their phone” when you call them out on it (like me.. err.), but I don’t care who you are, an intelligent person will take the time to insert the appropriate apostrophe and capitalization.  Don’t know the different between “your” and “you’re”.. We will never date, sir.

The one piece of advice that I always follow, is follow your gut.  If it smells fishy, it probably is.  Especially nowadays, a girl can never be too careful.  When a guy messages, it should be every other day or so to your messages (which are on the same timeline).  Not too excited, but also interested.  You’re a busy girl, after all.  And he should make that known.  A lot of the sites show when the last time you logged on.. and I know I judge a guy who messages me at 2am.. so don’t be that girl either.  Keep off the interwebs late night, and early morning.  I tend to do it around lunch time.. so it looks like I’m just “breaking for lunch to catch up on things”.  Or maybe in the evening after a “long day of work”.  Most of the time, it’s not a stretch.. but it doesn’t hurt to have some guidelines.  

And guys that seem interested, then stop messaging?  Probably found some other girl online, got lazy, or got bored.  Either way, don’t dwell on that (which was something I would do when I first joined), and move on to the next.  The good thing about it is it’s easy, and fairly harmless.. and keeps your options open. 

The more I date, the more I realize what I do and don’t want.. and what I won’t settle for in a relationship.  And that is key.

Next, y’all. The first dates. From the interwebs to dinner.