A fine line in general between actually dating, and well.. fucking on the regular (FOTR).  I guess the main reasons why I decided to start actually going on dates were:

1. I’m a poor grad student, and a free meal’s a free meal.  And if you also want to buy me groceries.. from whole foods, I’m not going to stop you.

2. Less messy, less drama, then the FOTR “dating” scenarios where you don’t even know half the time what is going on, and at any given moment, they could play your face in public (at the bar, most likely) with a random girl.

3. And well.. fucking on the regular, without being a whore. Kinda.  I mean, I have a 6 date rule, usually.. so they have to put in work (see #1), and if they make it that far.. it’s just a natural progression.  I guess I’m tired of the friends with benefits type bullshit that happened most of my first year in grad school.. and the random slutty college phase (that I still hold dearly to my heart..). I’m too old (25?) to be doing that business anymore.  Time and place.  And I eventually do want to settle down. So. 6 date rule.

4. And I do want to settle down one day, get married, babies.. all of that mess. Without settling.

But I guess what kills me about the FOTR scenarios.. is that for the most part. you ARE dating each other (whether you want to call it that or not homie).  

For instance, in college senior year. For months. My friends and I would go the same bar. Every. Thursday. Night.  It was the place to be.. everyone you wanted to see was there.  Cheap beer, drugs, dancing, a porch.. sticky floors.  Exactly what you want from your college bar.  

And it was also the place where you would see the latest guy you were FOTR.  Usually his obnoxious ex girlfriend was lingering somewhere.. and you’d flirt with him, and he’d put in enough work where you knew you were going home together.

Months of that. And a little studying together in the lib, slutty texting on the reg (I also hate the word sexting), weekend bar hangouts.. which turned into friend circles starting to collide. and everyone knew y’all were “together”. or something.

You had no expectations.  Most the time. Then he reveals something of himself.. that you think only girls he’s dating gets to see.  You do more sober hanging out.  He takes you to Easter with his parents (umm. yeah.. original hipster, I see you).. and you figs.. this is going somewhere. right?  Every ice box’d girl has a soft side, and if you act like we’re wifey.. eventually we’ll cave.  It’s innate female mentality.. (which we try to fight off most days).  

But wait. Then something comes up where you expect something out of him that he just doesn’t want to do.  Out of the blue.  Tables have turned, and you thought this was something that obviously it was not.  And he uses the “we’re not dating” now I’m ready to pop off.  Because you clearly have lost your mind.  

FOTR gets messy for that exact reason. There are no boundaries and no rules.  So regardless of whether you go into it just for fun, and don’t want anything from it.. it never ends that way.  Someone, or both, get played.  

And thus.. turn to dating. Real. dates. Pick me up, take me out, kiss good night.  And I’m liking it.

  1. pairandaspare posted this