Pair. and a Spare.

I don’t have time or energy for this behavior.  Every girl gets one time to act batshit crazy, and it usually happens with their high school boyfriend.  Drama, screaming, tears. And never. again. Ever.  You had your chance girl.  And if you’re 25, and you never got one, you lost your chance.  Keep calm, always.

Now, I had my crazy time.  With my high school boyfriend/first love, and all of that.  He cheated on me after 6 years, and was trying to play my face right before I officially caught him.  I was going berserk.  Showed up at his apartment, pacing around, about to lose my mind.  Checked his voicemail messages.  Everything.  Unacceptable for a grown person to every do.  I was 20, and have never come close to being that out of control crazy again.  And I refuse to let myself get there again.  You feel absolutely insane.  No bueno.

But this kid, is 32, and we went out on maybe 10 dates?  The Introvert.  Let’s give him 12 dates, max.  He was exclusive. I wasn’t. and I did not lie at any point in our dating (and this is not a relationship. we’re barely friends.).  So, we go to a comedy show (Louis CK.. if y’all haven’t seen him live, get on it), and have a great night.  But overall.. I know this isn’t working for me.  And it hasn’t been.  I was thinking about stringing him along to fix various things in my house and buy me groceries.. but that also requires energy to feign interest.  And that’s energy that I don’t have.

So I just have been distant.  Taking forever to respond to texts, and when I do.. it’s just with no emotion behind them.  I figured he’d take the hint.  Then Friday night, he wants to hang out.  I’ve already made plans with my friends, so I can’t.  Then I finally go home, leave my phone in another room, and start watching tv with Coops until I’m ready to pass out.

THEN. A loud banging on my door.  The Introvert is pacing around out on my porch.  It’s always the quiet ones that snap in the biggest way, so I made sure to take my enormous dog out there with me.  On a leash.  And of course he liked the Introvert, but he’s a mama’s boy, so when I’m nervous, his ears perk up and he’s ready to pounce.  Good. boy.

He said he tried calling me (well 3x he called. and sent numerous texts saying “call me, we need to talk.” one right after the other.) It’s clear he’d been drinking, but not drunk (I think.) and was just demanding that I explain “our relationship” and what I want from him.  What he means to me.  Define the relationship. All while pacing around my porch like a lunatic.

So what do I do?  Drunk me has only one mechanism in this situation. Lie.  Crocodile tears about some bullshit (or maybe not?) about still being in love with my ex, I’m confused. and I don’t know where my head’s at. But also. I feel absolutely “violated” (strong words) that he just showed up like this with these demands and I cannot be with someone like this.  Sure this may have been a cop out, but with some insane man on my porch, I’m going to play the victim and hope it diffuses the situation.  And sure, I generally would have popped off at him for pulling this stunt.. but he’s a generally good guy (albeit boring), so I’d rather not crush him.  Unless this shit happens again.

My dog calms down, and so does he.  I tell him I never want to see him again, and close my door.  Absolutely bananas.  He’s too old to be acting like a love-stricken teenager.  Especially when we aren’t even officially together.  Get real, homie.