Honestly. I don’t believe they exist.  I have YET to have a guy friend who I am not related to (or is not related to one of my best friends), who has not slept with one of my friends, who is also straight, and it has always been 100% platonic.  Not once.

If someone has proof of this, I’d love to know how it works.  Because, I don’t believe it.  Unless they’re some sort of social outcast.. and then your friendship really doesn’t count..

I’m talking real, true to life, good guy friend.

All my current great guy friends are either gay.. or something has been there.  The straight ones, all have the same name.  Super. eerie. The 3 Jays*

1.  The Ex.  One of the great loves of my life.  Bearded weirdo (my fav, of course), great taste in music (a weakness), and ridiculously smart (weakness #2).  He is also very handsome, and makes me laugh.  So all around, a good guy. And a great friend.  We’re still friends, even after the break-up.. it just didn’t work out.  We both refuse to do long distance.. plus the little thing about him not sure if he wants to get married (to anyone).  But we were once a great romance.. so. of course, not platonic. Next?

2. The Classmate.  He’s the class clown. Hilarious to everyone, especially me.  One of the few people that have made me cry because I was laughing so hard.  There was always tension between he and I, and he was on the same intramural team as the “entrepreneur” (randomly. see? small town.). And (much) after the break-up, he and I would hang out.. and then one night, it just clicked. We’d always had a flirty thing for each other.. but then it all just sort of happened.  No courting, no real dating, just hanging out as friends. Oh, and fucking. Fine. Then the summer happened (and some messy shit with that slutty two faced girl who is now fucking the “entrepreneur”. yeah.), but we’re still great friends.. just without all the sideline stuff. And that’s fine. Andddd not platonic.

3.  The ATL Kid.  We met randomly at Mardi Gras (actually at a party the “entrepreneur” was catering) and realized we both had ties to Atlanta.  I’ve got fam there, and he works there right now.  We got along, similar tastes in music, and humor.. so I’d look him up next time I was in Atlanta.  Fast forward months in advance.  We hang out a few times in the summer, have a great time, then he tells me he likes me.. we make out. I go back to New Orleans.  Then he makes sure I “don’t want a long distance relationship”. Yeah ok. I wouldn’t do it with the guy I was in love with.. so one with someone I barely know is out of the question.  

Then this weekend, I came home to visit my dad.. and he and I went out on Saturday night.  Dinner, drinks, and dancing.  Over all, really fun night.  And I know better than to initiate any sort of PDA type shit, mainly because I don’t like it.  But we were both drunk, and dancing.. and I guess making out in public (and in front of his friends.. err.) But I don’t remember really forcing any of it.  Just some fun between friends, right? Well I guess some shit got misconstrued. and it’s embarrassing for me.  Because not once, but twice he made sure to make it clear that we were not going to do long distance and next time I come here to visit my dad, the “boundaries will be clear”. Uh. ok. Really?  Like. I’m never the initiator.. and just go along for the ride. Having fun.. but clearly shit just got twisted. (Side bar. Over it.) And yup. Also not platonic.

Other guy friends have fucked my friends.. or are married to my friends (or even my ex’s best friends). So, they don’t really count as far as all the statistics go.  Just once I’d like to have an attractive, nice, funny guy friend.. who isn’t trying to feel me up.  And as for the Jays*. Can’t date any of them (well again, for the ex).  Just doesn’t seem appropriate.

Guy friends are urban legends, y’all.

  1. pairandaspare posted this