Pair. and a Spare.

And yes, the quotations were absolutely intentional.

We met online. And were serious and “official” and all of that nonsense for a good few months.  He met the friends, we went on trips together.. and we each met each other’s respective families.  His mom loved me, but that was a given.  I even laughed at his dad’s cheesy jokes, which I found endearing.

But even though things were serious and it was progressing at a normal pace, all of a sudden, he had what I can only determine as a mid-life crisis.  (He’s 29, and quarter life just doesn’t seem to fit..).

I’m looking back on the whole relationship and I was absolutely settling, and even though my friends pointed that out to me.. I was infatuated.  With what?  I’m not even sure.

He’s almost 30. STILL has roommates, and the cost of living in New Orleans? Not high enough to warrant a post-grad roommate. Unless you live in NYC/Chicago/San Fran.. having a roommate is just a joke.  And pathetic to me.  It’s time you grow up.  Cohabitation post-grad in smaller cities should be reserved for romantic partners.

He went to a shitty private school, and an even shittier MBA program. Both never leaving the city.  He moved to Alabama for 2 years.. so I’m not even counting that as “venturing out”.  Not for nothing, but my parents both went to one of the best MBA programs in the country, and undergrad and grad school are both reputable.  UNO? Not so much.  Upgrade.

He’s major townie trash, which to me.. there is nothing worse.  Born, lived.. and will probably die in New Orleans.  Never really living anywhere else.  And that is really sad to me.  He thinks his 2 week stint in Europe makes him “cultured” yet acts completely contrary.  Also, as a teen.. he had a tongue ring.  

Whack dick. Obsessed with working out. Wal-mart makes better sheets than he has on his bed.  And weirdly obsessed with Spiderman.  

He’s an “entrepreneur”. Which means, unemployed.  High aspirations, sure. But money? None. 29 is too old to be poor like that.  Especially with an “MBA”.. but wait.. I guess it counts the same as a law degree from a random low-grade school.  You’ll most likely be doing something sub-par (like parking violations? if that.)

He’s one of those food truck guys.  Who doesn’t have a major following, and isn’t very social media savvy to even get one.  He’s not personable enough to reach a crowd and get them to buy his decent sandwiches*.  Thank God I never gave him my family’s pimiento cheese recipe, which is golden.  He did try it once, and if I ever see it on the menu, I’m going to lose it.

After a few months, he said he “wasn’t ready for a relationship” (which I guess is confusing seeing as how we met on a site FOR getting into relationships), and was always trying to start drama.  Now, when guys here a girl say “I’m not into drama” she usually means the exact opposite.  But generally, my friends and I are pretty low key, but we also don’t want to be talked to crazy.  So, if you start saying some off the wall shit to get my attention, at first I’m going to blow it off.. but push me, and I will pop off.

I never officially popped off at “the entrepreneur”, mainly because I was focused on school and didn’t have time for his bullshit.  He was utterly obsessed with his ex girlfriend (who he was never official with, and always treated him like shit).  Every time he ran into her (which was often.. small town, same group of friends..), he pitched a fit and his mood was ruined for the day (yet, he was “so over her”).  Post-breakup, before I blocked him on twitter, he would post about how he and her were hanging out and best friends (huh.). 

Now he’s seeing one of my ex-friends.  Who played the “girls’ girl” card way too well.  She was just a snake who used information I told her to later get with him.  Don’t trust a ho.

Well, I see him every now and then, and am always cordial and say hello.  Bigger person and all.  And I’ve always looked on par when having a run in with his friends.  The best revenge is living well, right?