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Speed Dating.

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the guy who hate fucked me back in college.. 

[this one — did mad drugs all night. and drank. then everyone paired off.. and I got stuck with this one. he did the whole “oh you can just sleep in my bed.. I won’t try anything. It’ll be so much more comfortable than the couch. And I promise.. I’ll keep my hands to myself.”

Fast forward 15 min (tops), he’s passed out. and it’s 6am on a Sunday. And snoring. LOUD. as fuck. So, I snuck out. Walk of shamed back to the sorority house — yep. holding my heels and looking a mess. and seeing people walk their dogs before they head to church. die.]

..is now engaged. And one of my best girl’s RSJ’s fuck buddy from most of college — “the douche” as he so lovingly came to be called.. got married over the weekend.

Somehow, these dickhead guys are finding girls. to marry. and to have their children. to have families with them.

and my girls and I are still single. Albeit further in our careers than a lot of girls post-grad who are married.. and generally pretty happy with where we’re at. But I know I have no real prospects in sight. As much fun as being single and focusing on myself is.. It’s exhausting sometimes.. and annoying. and just getting old.

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"The perfect first date dress is one that says ‘You can take me home to your mom, and I may give you a blowjob on the way’."

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Isaac’s Live Lip-Dub Proposal (by RobertaFosse)

I generally hate this crap. But this is beautiful.. 

Source: youtube.com
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hellogiggles:

Champagne Problems: TERRIFIED OF ONLINE DATING?
by JC Coccoli
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tomyhusband:

I don’t mind having one. I don’t even mind losing one. I only mind if you don’t know how to make one.

Source: tomyhusband
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shit. I’m going to be single forever? 

Am I too picky? Am I not picky enough and waste my time on these dickheads? 

And then I think. fuck that. I know a) I’m a catch and I’m not fucking crazy and b) I’m not settling. I don’t have delusions of grandeur when it comes to romance.. I don’t want some knight in shining armor. That shit is for the birds. 

What I do want is a complement to myself and where I am in life. Someone to call me on my bullshit, and someone I want to spend time with, meanwhile keeping my own identity. Someone who my girls love and can go out with him even without me and its not weird for anyone. It’s not too much to ask, because I’ve seen it. 

So now I’m stuck. Do I continue to go on dates.. and hope that one of these guys ends up being “that guy” (I don’t like saying “the one”.. b/c who knows.. there definitely is “the one for that point in life” which may happen to be your whole life.. but who can say..) OR do I just stop looking as to what’s out there and hope for the best. I generally like being proactive with my life.. being idle was never my thing. But maybe it’s worth a shot.

Dating is fun.. and is also bullshit. Meh.

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This one is actually a name he’s given himself. According to instagram. How do I know this? He found me on there, and creepily likes random photos of mine.  Keep in mind, we went on ONE date.

I assume he’s a consultant. I zoned out, and focused in on the bottles of wine on the table instead of listening to him ramble on (and on and on) about him and his life. Without even asking me if I like shrimp (not their biggest fan) he went ahead an ordered for us (eyeroll) a ridiculously shrimp-y appetizer. And I ordered for us, the most expensive bottle of red. tit for tat.

The date was a bust.. and I forgot about him.  He texted once every couple of days while I was traveling to visit family, and I never told him I returned.  Well that became quickly apparent when I was out with 2 of my best friends down here at the bar he actually took me to for our first date. I remember it being really cute, and one that I’d never heard of before.. so I made note of it for future reference.  I guess it’s his first date spot.. because on that exact random Thursday night, he came there with a dreadfully depressing looking girl.  And I wish I was exaggerating. 

Instead of politely saying hello and moving to another part of the bar, he sits down with his date next to us. NEXT to. Really. He stares at me for a while until he gets my attention, and then we exchange “hello”s and we go back to our separate convos. Then when we want to order our next round, we find out from the bartender that he has offered to buy our next round. Top shelf cocktails, hello.

If that’s not enough, and extremely embarrassing for his date (we thanked him in her face), he started to text me during their date. Calling me “boo” (bye) and saying that they were just “fiends” (spellcheck please) and that it was “good to see you”. Greaattt.

What’s there to say, but thank you? Then we politely nod goodbye.. and leave. He was obnoxiously talking at full volume about all his accomplishments to his date with flourishes.. thus confirming my good decision to never text him again.

If only he got the hint that we’re not friends.. nor am I his “boo”. Tragic. Now I got to figure out how to block people on instagram. gah.

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Never reveal your hand too soon. Straight. Face, y’all.